Rage is the worst...

Things are so weird sometimes...

Time seems to slow yet speed right by.

I can't believe how time is passing..

I'm happy yet it still stings.

I remember I told Kradey's mom nearly everything, I randomly do this.. I don't know why but I trust certain people even if I don't know them.

She just didn't believe Dad would ever say those things. Oh but he has and did, I will accept the terms he gives me.

I want to beat him to pulp, but I know I'm just a weakling. He mocks me on many things.

He is a child still yet he claims to have outgrown so much.

I hate that my rage sometimes becomes... uncontrollable after being upset by him.

Just knowing he's there and that what he offers is what he will complain about later.. just sparks the rage and yet the tears come as always it happens.

Only.. it's worse, I get the desire to break things.. things of his, but I don't. I know it won't solve anything, maybe only create a cycle that neither will wish to break in a showing of weakness.

I remember.. I was going to fold clothes, but I couldn't every time I tried.. My body would slightly seize up so I wouldn't tear anything of theirs.

My mouth wanted to scream, but I hate to make that noise.. people get the wrong intentions of why the scream might have come.

It happened again the next day.. the rage hadn't subsided as I'd hoped.

Eventually it did.

Zoning out once.. a picture formed, in it I was with Levi.

Dad had come to try to take me without success. The one thing to stop him, to make him so unsuccessful was my breaking down and finally hurling how I felt at him.

I am not one to bring trouble if I can avoid it.. Wicked ideas come to mind, but I have to let them go.

Knowing.. they are not me, but the rage wanting relief.

I've been waiting to write here.. but I forget or I just don't want to leave the warmth of my bed.

It is winter now.