A flick of the past even in the present

I don't know why it made me cry..

Reading them, brought me to tears

Not to mention.. I found them in the shirt my half-brother gave to me a long time ago

So I didn't really tell anyone how I was

My mood went up and down a lot that day

Old memories..

Is it bad I wish to forget the past because I miss it and know it will never be the same?

Yet.. at other times I wish to remember, to never forget

"It's like there are two people inside of me, fighting for control of me."

So true.. three years ago and I still felt the same

"I sit in the darkness waiting for death to come and claim me. Each time I think it's about to come, something seems to save me. What do I do? I'm being pulled in two directions! Please... just let death have me. It won't matter...."

It wouldn't have made much of a difference then.. but now

I have people to hold dear

"I don't give a shit if Diana is losing faith in me. To me, she isn't someone I'm close to, I don't even consider her my mom or even as a friend. More like a stranger."

So true throughout the time we lived with each other

There is more, but it seems..

That even three years later..

Everything seems to be almost the exact same as I wrote

Minus Diana, Willie

I find that funny

Finding things like these, through my mind into an unyielding flow of the past and jitters for what is to come

Bah..

Well so Kradey knows, Sadie doesn't

I don't know why it would be weird to tell Sadie that..

But oh well, random and more random

I feel a drift and I'm not quite sure what to do

And I didn't quite say the other reason to why I do what I've done..

It's because I miss him, and if I'm not gonna talk to him

Then I might as well force myself into a sleep so deep I won't wake till my alarm the next day

I feel so clingy and I know what could happen..

And I really don't want it to, because everyone deserves to have their friends

Is it weird.. that I feel so out of place?

That I can't really remember how I reacted nor what I usually said?

[sigh] ...

I'm lost yet again with nothing to help really..

Yeah, I know it isn't a really 'good' update but meh..

Random News

Random thinking last few days..

I was remembering when my best friend at the time, Izzie [I will use names to prevent confusion] lived over here

And Nicco lived here as well

Most of the kids from around here were actually great friends at the time

I loved Izzie's cat Reba, she was just so sweet, fluffy, and soft~

Then there was the crazy dog Patches. haha..

I remember when Patches ate Izzie's and my chocolate mints [I think they were mints]

Like a half pound of them, everyone was freaking out

But Patches turned out fine.

Anyways, I was letting my mind wander

And I remembered one day,

Izzie, Nicco, and myself were hanging out.

I should tell you before hand, Izzie and I have both dated Nicco before but we were still great friends

I remember Nicco having Izzie ask me out for him, it was kinda horrible

Because I know I turned him down, but Izzie and I were just talking for like.. ever

Her trying to get me to, and me not really wanting to [I forgot why]

And in the end.. it ended up Nicco getting mad at Izzie who in turn got mad at me.

Go figure right?

But in time that went away and we were all friends again till everyone started moving away

And everyone lost touch, so sad really

But this was definately not the only time Izzie and I have liked the same guy.

There was this other guy named Steven, [one of the few guys that actually broke up with me]

It almost turned out like the Nicco one, but thank gawd it didn't.

Anyways, Izzie finds out and I start telling her of how I knew Steven.

[The kid asked me out back in 4-5th grade but I turned him down, not a pretty reaction]

And that's how I remembered him, then she went and told him about it.

So then I kinda got stuck in the: Best Friend or Boyfriend? Issue

But in the end it also worked out, as stated before he dumped me

Funny part was, he ended up dating the girl whose locker was next to his

Yeah, this stuff went through my head.

There are a few others but I don't think they included Izzie in them.

-Yesterday-

Hung out with Dan, not an entirely smart choice

Went to the mall cause he had to buy clothes

Then we went to SubWay to visit our friend Kory

And because there wasn't much else to do and I really didn't want to go back to my house

We went to his Mum's house.

She's a real cool lady, one of the few adults that actually hug me [I get totally weird when it happens though]

Anyways, it was really.. kinda awkward at that point

Ended up with wrestling, mainly playfully but I will admit I did choke him

Repeatedly on purpose as well as bit.. >>

My personal bubble was highly invaded and I started choking him until he let go.. ^^;

Only that didn't last which then lead to the wrestling, etc.

And I don't think he learned his lesson really.. I did attempt to step on his crotch

Unfortunately I failed, -.- He blocked