Hahaha, gotta save something random..

With my last breathe, I'd like you to know:
You were always the best, even though it didn't show.
Now let me rest with all the other broken hearts. ♡

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I like it~~

I keep forgetting myself...

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Maybe.. I'm starting to head back to my old self.

It's strange, but not so bad.

It may be from what happened this year.. Because I know that I'm ignoring the matter and pretending it was nothing.

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I was hoping we could get by without having to bring up the topic.. but the day after Christmas, my father got roaring drunk.

It wasn't pleasant.

I miss him... But when I think about him, I can barely remember his face as I last saw it..

He was the one that wanted to live more and I'm the one that wanted to already be dead...

He died.. Gotta love a twist.

It's... annoying.

I don't mean to say I don't love anyone here.. it's just.

I don't care about this world much.

Plain and simple.

And it's been buzzing around more.

All the old times..

Why do I regret the past?

Sometimes.. I think I was sent here to help people but also end up hurting them..

It's weird, but it's all that makes sense to me.

I try to be happy and fight all the negativity, but sometimes it's hard.

Hopefully it'll go away and not continue..

Argh..

I want an answer..

Are we real because we believe we are or merely because of the flesh bags we adorn as ourselves?

And if we believe we're real... then maybe there is no one else.

Except people of our imaginations placed to push ourselves?

Sorry if that doesn't make sense.. It's much easier to phrase when I first think of it.

That kind of stuff is floating around my brain lately.. which is why I believe I am partly going back to my old self.

But I really do love the people here!

Ciao~♥

Okay!

So...

It's been a while.

I've decided I'm going to start saving a bit of random stuff here.

These words are tiring,
Dancing a never-ending tale.
Of things no one ever understands,
With hidden secrets in well-placed lies.
Smiles with fake sincerity,
As the past, present, and future burn with unforgotten pain.


But not too much is happening.

So, I'm going to see him in January instead of December.

We used a really stupid site that kept glitching,

The kitten is super weird but she lives up to her weird name anyways.

Sadly, all the animals don't get along.

Still in a book frenzy though.

Hence why I don't get on a lot anymore.

Not sure what's going on for Christmas or what to ask for anymore.

I've come to the conclusion that I can have all the money in the world and still not want anything really.

Honestly.. there's not much I care to own.

It really feels strange.

A small part of me is still expecting my brother to just be on a trip and coming back.

Though I know full well that that is just wishful thinking.

For the most part, I just ignore the topic all together and really.. I avoid having to go to his grave.

In a way, it is denial, but I've enough sense to keep to the truth.

Oh well..

I'm off to lose some brain cells!

Ciao~