This cashier at Wal-Mart's has earned my respect.
Of course, as a girl I require things that tend to make the usual male being uncomfortable. You know, that whole: "If something bleeds for seven days and doesn't die.." thing? Yeah.
Anyways, think I ran into him before. I make it a point not to go to Wal-Mart a whole lot. It's usually packed and annoying when I have to drag my mother along.
I will admit, I enjoy making people squirm when I find out what freaks them out. Kind of cruel, but it's very humorous. So, when I find a person that can actually handle the feminine products/talks and not become grossed out and whatnot, they gain my respect. Especially when they can make a good conversation during/after it. Like that cashier, though the conversation was over how we're getting older (was buying a tobacco product and, as usual, was carded).
So, that's a random tidbit.
---
Finally got around to doing something to help get something my father's lawyer needed. Which is the pictures of the survey, whether or not the guy was on this website, and a copy of a document that was sent to the sellers.
We've got two or the three, neither of us knew today was a holiday and that the offices would be closed.
The pictures of the survey were easy, I keep them where I know they're at and will hunt them down if anyone moves them. But the second one is of the guy on the website. Googled for it, managed to find it under a website that doesn't hold misinformation very much. And turns out, he's on there. My father's cousin, whom we purchased the house off of, was indeed on the Sex Offender List for our state. (As was a different family member, my father's uncle I believe)
I mean, I knew it was there. The cousin's brother told my father about it and all. It just didn't really sink in. Of course, there were dates on the website. Apparently, he'd put up a picture not long after we'd gotten to this state. So obviously he didn't forget about it (and obviously it's kind of mandatory). But the fact is, he never said anything, himself (which I am pretty sure is required) that he was on there or anything. And we temporarily stayed at there house for a while (we didn't have energy yet). Not to mention his Risk Level is Moderate.
When we looked up my father's uncle it was.. Shoot, I can't remember the exact words but basically: N/A.
I'll have to do a bit more research for my father, he's pushing for going public on it if he must. Which means he wants to put up signs and we have to figure out if it's legal, what can the sign say, and if he can even sue us over it. All before we do anything other than give the information to the lawyer.
---
Honestly, I believe I was going to put something else but can't remember.
If I remember, it'll (hopefully) be in the next blog.
Ciao~
Monday, February 21, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
It's there..
It's coming down and quickly.
My father wants to show me how life works and in doing so.. I end up aiding him with his current legal situations.
Currently, he has four lawyers working for him on four separate cases. No, they are not personal lawyers either.
Only three of the cases will end with prosperity. As was told to us, I will not go more than that.
But my father plans to send me to the lawyer over our house deal. It'll be interesting, but might be easier as well.
My father tends to.. Repeat himself rather than answer a question directly, I've noticed this when listening to him explain everything to someone else we've had to seek information from.
A simple yes or no would suffice. But then again, the Engineer seemed meek and very strongly reminded me of my half-brother. Though I wasn't able to find out if he had built those model cars himself or merely bought them. If he had built them, I probably would've inquired if he'd be willing to finish one my deceased brother started.
There seems to be little progress with this, but there's more illegal findings popping up. We've gone to the Appraisal District today to find out about whether my father could still file for the Homestead Act or not. Due to some.. Uh, previous legal name error, my father couldn't get a Texas ID. (His birth name is his middle name now and his birth middle name is now his first name) He's gone by it for years but they said no and stated that if he was to get an ID, then they were forcing him to fix the name problem. So we went to find out if there was a way he could still apply. But now it just comes down to the wait of whether or not they accept his application.
But while the lady looked up the house and printed doubles of what she found, I noticed some things. As far as I remember, the man that my father purchased the house from is not disabled. Quite the opposite in my opinion. He's a healthy person. Yes, there is proof of him being Enlisted. But the house listed three exemptions: Disabled Veteran, Disabled Veteran Homestead, and Homestead. So, it's a wonder what this man can get done without anyone noticing until now.
Though when the Engineer was going over the Deed to the house, he noticed that the Deed has mentioned about illegal dealings going on, but it was mostly the Title company saving their own asses. Typical of the modern world these days isn't it?
Anyways, my father asked what were his legal options with this. Which are to resend the sale, possibly dispute it with the help of the state (State Attorney), or dispute it privately (The lawyer my father has picked out). We've still yet to come to a decision.
With all the issues this state has dealt us, it's a wonder we haven't left already honestly. I suppose there's no way to get what you want and get it the right way without fighting the odds for it.
My worries are where will we go, what will we do with our stuff, what of the improvements we've done, what about our pets, the cost of canceling all of our bills (especially the Internet since it's under my name), dealing with our mail.. There's a lot to think about. Not to mention that I'd have to notify my workplace of my mother's move or soon-to-move if we decide to resend the sale.
It's not an easy thing to decide and it stresses me just to think of it all. And I do not feel stress easily, normally I can be stressed but never actually feel it. Only notice the symptom of a lot of hair in my hairbrush for a time.
---
I suppose I have resigned to wait and see where life will take me.
Most of these nights, I go to sleep with the thoughts of what it'd be like to close my eyes and never wake. It's an interesting feeling, to know you'll cease to see/hear/smell/feel or anything that makes us live. It's slightly scary, but only because you worry of whether your dying wishes will be followed and if your mistakes can be fixed better once you're gone. Though, I do believe if I should ever leave before my father, he'd give up his will and fall to his vices and desperation/grief.
The time will come eventually. And in the end, it'll be my decision to go before my time or wait for it. No one can change my mind on this.
---
I suppose I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for these days. Relationship-wise.
I know there are people interested, but when they inquire about what I'm looking for, I believe it turns them away, knowing it will be fruitless.
As I've stated before, long ago, I decided to give love a chance even when I thought it silly.
Ever since, it's been pain and happiness. Torment and suppression galore.
Torment over the mistakes made and the mistakes of others. Suppression of myself, of my darker side. The one that screams mistrust and to try to tear their heart out but also my ability to communicate sufficiently to keep a healthy relationship.
I gave trust freely before, but after some mistakes it's waned greatly. There is indeed a test trial for my trust. But when I truly trust someone, I will rant openly about what I'm feeling at the moment. But with others that are not as close, I keep them away with a false reassurance that my world is filled with sunshine.
Now, through all that happened. I've accepted the reality that I am not a good person to love nor date. Eventually I falter with the inability to reject as I hate to make most people upset for any reason. (Which can explain why I never held people that wanted to do me harm like my brother.)
It's caused much grief and regret to me that I've grown tired over the past year. Tired of the struggle to figure out how to be a good girlfriend without fighting myself of what to say or do. Tired of the next one just waiting to be the first to pounce once it's over. Tired of trying to love.
That's the bottom of it all. I have simply grown tired of loving another. Of following the rules of dating (or trying to). I now seek a non-serious relationship that will be pre-mutually agreed that should someone arise that we seek to have a serious relationship with then we'll end it without hard feelings. Merely understanding of how it goes with life and love. It doesn't need to be about sexual activities at all. I'm content with being close and, of course, kisses. That is what I seek.
Since I'm quite sure that will be hard to find, I have thought of asking a friend, that I've crossed my moral lines for many times, if they would consider to be, for lack of a better term, my plaything. Yes, it's a complex relationship we've managed to forge even while only being friends.
But I've began to notice what is being said. My friend, months before the recent break-up, suddenly inquired about me to my other recent ex. Of course, timing held and the words from my ex, basically, goaded me into reaching out communication to my friend. Naturally my friend noticed the signature I held for my text messages, and simply said that they were too late. I kept pushing slightly at the matter of which they wanted to contact me of and my friend spilled it. Telling me that they realized they loved me. Now, I didn't react surprised or anything really. My friend has claimed so before but eventually another would tear them into confusion and my friend would disappear, to be heard from months later. So far, no one seems to have taken their feelings away from what they claimed a while ago. But still, it may be weekly (sometimes daily) that my friend will say it and, I've told them that I do not feel like loving another, I respond in kind but differently. They noticed and pointed it out, I was kind of hoping that they would not notice, since I don't really feel like saying things I don't mean these days. Anyways, my friend will say it and not far down the line they comment of being either sexually aroused or wanting sexual activities from me, claiming I am the only one they truly want it from. And that they have been waiting quite some time for it. Which is why I don't feel so bad to ask them of being my plaything, but makes me wary of what I may be subjecting myself to.
I've lost some decent friends over relationship matters and moral lines that I would not cross. Some I will not forgive, of them or myself.
So this topic is rather sore but it holds sweet memories that will come of their own accord at times when I may need a smile, even if it's a sad, regretful one.
There are some from my past that I will accept back into my life, should by any chance that they come looking. Which is highly unlikely, but still there as a thought.
---
It's not too shocking, of what that lady told me.
I recall looking at my brother's Certificate of Death and frowning upon the times they put.
I must look for it and this scrap book, but I had an inkling that something was not right with those times.
And the lady told me, that they had over four hours to save my brother whom was dying from internal bleeding. But they knowingly ignored him and let death grab him. It would be correct that I'd need proof to prove such things, which should I be able to gather enough things about his death, maybe I will. And should I ever find such proof. I will show my father and I will publicly ruin them.
I'm sure some of you have dealt with decreased relatives or friends as well, but have you run across rumors that even as the person lay dying, that the people 'helping' them take the money from the wallet or the jewelry off their very body?
Because that's what happened. To my brother and a friend/relative of my father's cousin. Both in the same state.
This world is falling hard and cruel. Even as we try to plaster it with smiles.
My brother's necklace will be found. And I pity those that would stoop to such things.
---
I've fallen greatly over this month. To a new low and vice, one that can tarnish my life for good. But, obviously, I love it greatly. Of the way it makes me feel, it's better Medicine to take to tolerate the one that plagues my life. Unlike many, I do have a strong will and fear of losing control. So it will not consume me easily, but I only mean to warn you... Should I strange to act strangely.
---
I am in Limbo for the time being. Mostly watching, waiting, and following instructions.
Content as I am but should more ever come, I would not mind either.
Ciao~
My father wants to show me how life works and in doing so.. I end up aiding him with his current legal situations.
Currently, he has four lawyers working for him on four separate cases. No, they are not personal lawyers either.
Only three of the cases will end with prosperity. As was told to us, I will not go more than that.
But my father plans to send me to the lawyer over our house deal. It'll be interesting, but might be easier as well.
My father tends to.. Repeat himself rather than answer a question directly, I've noticed this when listening to him explain everything to someone else we've had to seek information from.
A simple yes or no would suffice. But then again, the Engineer seemed meek and very strongly reminded me of my half-brother. Though I wasn't able to find out if he had built those model cars himself or merely bought them. If he had built them, I probably would've inquired if he'd be willing to finish one my deceased brother started.
There seems to be little progress with this, but there's more illegal findings popping up. We've gone to the Appraisal District today to find out about whether my father could still file for the Homestead Act or not. Due to some.. Uh, previous legal name error, my father couldn't get a Texas ID. (His birth name is his middle name now and his birth middle name is now his first name) He's gone by it for years but they said no and stated that if he was to get an ID, then they were forcing him to fix the name problem. So we went to find out if there was a way he could still apply. But now it just comes down to the wait of whether or not they accept his application.
But while the lady looked up the house and printed doubles of what she found, I noticed some things. As far as I remember, the man that my father purchased the house from is not disabled. Quite the opposite in my opinion. He's a healthy person. Yes, there is proof of him being Enlisted. But the house listed three exemptions: Disabled Veteran, Disabled Veteran Homestead, and Homestead. So, it's a wonder what this man can get done without anyone noticing until now.
Though when the Engineer was going over the Deed to the house, he noticed that the Deed has mentioned about illegal dealings going on, but it was mostly the Title company saving their own asses. Typical of the modern world these days isn't it?
Anyways, my father asked what were his legal options with this. Which are to resend the sale, possibly dispute it with the help of the state (State Attorney), or dispute it privately (The lawyer my father has picked out). We've still yet to come to a decision.
With all the issues this state has dealt us, it's a wonder we haven't left already honestly. I suppose there's no way to get what you want and get it the right way without fighting the odds for it.
My worries are where will we go, what will we do with our stuff, what of the improvements we've done, what about our pets, the cost of canceling all of our bills (especially the Internet since it's under my name), dealing with our mail.. There's a lot to think about. Not to mention that I'd have to notify my workplace of my mother's move or soon-to-move if we decide to resend the sale.
It's not an easy thing to decide and it stresses me just to think of it all. And I do not feel stress easily, normally I can be stressed but never actually feel it. Only notice the symptom of a lot of hair in my hairbrush for a time.
---
I suppose I have resigned to wait and see where life will take me.
Most of these nights, I go to sleep with the thoughts of what it'd be like to close my eyes and never wake. It's an interesting feeling, to know you'll cease to see/hear/smell/feel or anything that makes us live. It's slightly scary, but only because you worry of whether your dying wishes will be followed and if your mistakes can be fixed better once you're gone. Though, I do believe if I should ever leave before my father, he'd give up his will and fall to his vices and desperation/grief.
The time will come eventually. And in the end, it'll be my decision to go before my time or wait for it. No one can change my mind on this.
---
I suppose I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for these days. Relationship-wise.
I know there are people interested, but when they inquire about what I'm looking for, I believe it turns them away, knowing it will be fruitless.
As I've stated before, long ago, I decided to give love a chance even when I thought it silly.
Ever since, it's been pain and happiness. Torment and suppression galore.
Torment over the mistakes made and the mistakes of others. Suppression of myself, of my darker side. The one that screams mistrust and to try to tear their heart out but also my ability to communicate sufficiently to keep a healthy relationship.
I gave trust freely before, but after some mistakes it's waned greatly. There is indeed a test trial for my trust. But when I truly trust someone, I will rant openly about what I'm feeling at the moment. But with others that are not as close, I keep them away with a false reassurance that my world is filled with sunshine.
Now, through all that happened. I've accepted the reality that I am not a good person to love nor date. Eventually I falter with the inability to reject as I hate to make most people upset for any reason. (Which can explain why I never held people that wanted to do me harm like my brother.)
It's caused much grief and regret to me that I've grown tired over the past year. Tired of the struggle to figure out how to be a good girlfriend without fighting myself of what to say or do. Tired of the next one just waiting to be the first to pounce once it's over. Tired of trying to love.
That's the bottom of it all. I have simply grown tired of loving another. Of following the rules of dating (or trying to). I now seek a non-serious relationship that will be pre-mutually agreed that should someone arise that we seek to have a serious relationship with then we'll end it without hard feelings. Merely understanding of how it goes with life and love. It doesn't need to be about sexual activities at all. I'm content with being close and, of course, kisses. That is what I seek.
Since I'm quite sure that will be hard to find, I have thought of asking a friend, that I've crossed my moral lines for many times, if they would consider to be, for lack of a better term, my plaything. Yes, it's a complex relationship we've managed to forge even while only being friends.
But I've began to notice what is being said. My friend, months before the recent break-up, suddenly inquired about me to my other recent ex. Of course, timing held and the words from my ex, basically, goaded me into reaching out communication to my friend. Naturally my friend noticed the signature I held for my text messages, and simply said that they were too late. I kept pushing slightly at the matter of which they wanted to contact me of and my friend spilled it. Telling me that they realized they loved me. Now, I didn't react surprised or anything really. My friend has claimed so before but eventually another would tear them into confusion and my friend would disappear, to be heard from months later. So far, no one seems to have taken their feelings away from what they claimed a while ago. But still, it may be weekly (sometimes daily) that my friend will say it and, I've told them that I do not feel like loving another, I respond in kind but differently. They noticed and pointed it out, I was kind of hoping that they would not notice, since I don't really feel like saying things I don't mean these days. Anyways, my friend will say it and not far down the line they comment of being either sexually aroused or wanting sexual activities from me, claiming I am the only one they truly want it from. And that they have been waiting quite some time for it. Which is why I don't feel so bad to ask them of being my plaything, but makes me wary of what I may be subjecting myself to.
I've lost some decent friends over relationship matters and moral lines that I would not cross. Some I will not forgive, of them or myself.
So this topic is rather sore but it holds sweet memories that will come of their own accord at times when I may need a smile, even if it's a sad, regretful one.
There are some from my past that I will accept back into my life, should by any chance that they come looking. Which is highly unlikely, but still there as a thought.
---
It's not too shocking, of what that lady told me.
I recall looking at my brother's Certificate of Death and frowning upon the times they put.
I must look for it and this scrap book, but I had an inkling that something was not right with those times.
And the lady told me, that they had over four hours to save my brother whom was dying from internal bleeding. But they knowingly ignored him and let death grab him. It would be correct that I'd need proof to prove such things, which should I be able to gather enough things about his death, maybe I will. And should I ever find such proof. I will show my father and I will publicly ruin them.
I'm sure some of you have dealt with decreased relatives or friends as well, but have you run across rumors that even as the person lay dying, that the people 'helping' them take the money from the wallet or the jewelry off their very body?
Because that's what happened. To my brother and a friend/relative of my father's cousin. Both in the same state.
This world is falling hard and cruel. Even as we try to plaster it with smiles.
My brother's necklace will be found. And I pity those that would stoop to such things.
---
I've fallen greatly over this month. To a new low and vice, one that can tarnish my life for good. But, obviously, I love it greatly. Of the way it makes me feel, it's better Medicine to take to tolerate the one that plagues my life. Unlike many, I do have a strong will and fear of losing control. So it will not consume me easily, but I only mean to warn you... Should I strange to act strangely.
---
I am in Limbo for the time being. Mostly watching, waiting, and following instructions.
Content as I am but should more ever come, I would not mind either.
Ciao~
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
So it's over..
It wasn't too unexpected..
I was thinking harshly before of how long would I wait among other things, but eventually those thoughts faded and I accepted it.
He grew busy while I did nothing notably every day.
I still love him but maybe it's a good thing.
I'm not an easy person, no matter how it seems.. I'm flooded with emotions and confusion yet again.
Part of me wonders if I should take hold on what the tarot reader told me or to run from it. And prove it all wrong.. I've asked for an answer to one thing and it proves that the lady is wrong, but I don't believe so. Not fully. I only hope the other of what she says will happen and that his life with return to something good.
Asked after someone else, and it seems fate won't fair as well for him as I was hoping. But it might lessen in a while. Wish there was a way to help, but it seems I lack the ability to help at all these days.
So much seems to happen yet nothing changes.. The more I think, the more I wish I didn't.
One thing is for certain, that my father may indeed be right.
All the stuff I do.. Is so I can tolerate her. Otherwise I'd be snappy and far worse. It mellows me and keeps my mind from her annoying ways.
Though in the end, I'm hardly ever sober it seems. I don't mind, it helps really though others may disagree.
More and more I'm thinking of running.. I know I could live up to what I've told.. but I don't think I want to bother.
Why should I enjoy such a good life when I've ruined others? When I bring misery? It seems terribly cruel that I should prosper as they do not. I wish deep within my heart, that I could change my luck and theirs. To give it away to those hurt.. But I can't. I've never asked for it, but it comes regardless.
I've had thoughts though.. Should I try yet again and succeed, would I ask of my father to help those I could not help? It'd be a risk since he's so paranoid.
I realize.. That should something ever happen, I really wouldn't leave anything to my family but to strangers I've barely met. Sad, isn't it?
But I can only draw from asking them to do better with what is given than I could trust in my family to do it. Vices are hard to break and I believe.. I have gained some and will never lose them. For now, they are free but over time it won't be.
I'm rambling and not making sense but my brain fails to make sense for what it'll do.
I mean no negativeness toward those I trust.
I must go and think well and hard about what I want to do now. Whether to chase the possible future or to run from the world again and hopefully succeed.
Ciao~
I was thinking harshly before of how long would I wait among other things, but eventually those thoughts faded and I accepted it.
He grew busy while I did nothing notably every day.
I still love him but maybe it's a good thing.
I'm not an easy person, no matter how it seems.. I'm flooded with emotions and confusion yet again.
Part of me wonders if I should take hold on what the tarot reader told me or to run from it. And prove it all wrong.. I've asked for an answer to one thing and it proves that the lady is wrong, but I don't believe so. Not fully. I only hope the other of what she says will happen and that his life with return to something good.
Asked after someone else, and it seems fate won't fair as well for him as I was hoping. But it might lessen in a while. Wish there was a way to help, but it seems I lack the ability to help at all these days.
So much seems to happen yet nothing changes.. The more I think, the more I wish I didn't.
One thing is for certain, that my father may indeed be right.
All the stuff I do.. Is so I can tolerate her. Otherwise I'd be snappy and far worse. It mellows me and keeps my mind from her annoying ways.
Though in the end, I'm hardly ever sober it seems. I don't mind, it helps really though others may disagree.
More and more I'm thinking of running.. I know I could live up to what I've told.. but I don't think I want to bother.
Why should I enjoy such a good life when I've ruined others? When I bring misery? It seems terribly cruel that I should prosper as they do not. I wish deep within my heart, that I could change my luck and theirs. To give it away to those hurt.. But I can't. I've never asked for it, but it comes regardless.
I've had thoughts though.. Should I try yet again and succeed, would I ask of my father to help those I could not help? It'd be a risk since he's so paranoid.
I realize.. That should something ever happen, I really wouldn't leave anything to my family but to strangers I've barely met. Sad, isn't it?
But I can only draw from asking them to do better with what is given than I could trust in my family to do it. Vices are hard to break and I believe.. I have gained some and will never lose them. For now, they are free but over time it won't be.
I'm rambling and not making sense but my brain fails to make sense for what it'll do.
I mean no negativeness toward those I trust.
I must go and think well and hard about what I want to do now. Whether to chase the possible future or to run from the world again and hopefully succeed.
Ciao~
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