What to do..

I've wondered may times what will come next..

We argue and fight over the same old things,

When will it stop?

I've read back to the old posts, and now I think I should have seen it from the start.

I know I cause pain, it's one reason why I feel sorry for any poor person that comes to know me.

Maybe.. Another relationship will hold better and true? I hold no doubts on it.

But.. The last few seemed to have followed similar paths.

Though I am not innocent either. In my vengeful states, I've done no better than what has been done to me at times.

Except in the very beginning of one.. I still could not let go of an old flame.

Over two years with him, and no matter what he did, I still couldn't let go just yet.

Not long after the event, I did pull myself together to stop it and eventually told the one I'm with of what I did.

I am not proud. I've been tempted before and said no... But now, most of the old flames of my past are states away from me.

Keep temptation away.. Or not fully.

What's a girl to do when the boy you're with suddenly states that you'd make a perfect match with another?

There have been problems a long the way since March of this year mostly.

Or even before that, I suppose.

At times I wish I could just go back and undo all the pain I've caused and am causing..

Though it's not all bad.. Some of it has been good, learning experiences.

More and more I'm wishing he'd just decide to leave. I tire of arguing and being called a child.

If I act like one, so what? I'm still young, I've yet to learn to truly be an adult.

Yet it's as if after one scolding I'm to suddenly become a proper adult!

I know I could do something good for a career, yet I don't care.

Thinking of doing the same meaningless work day after day makes it seem so dreadfully boring!

My thoughts are jumbled.. As one can tell.

But one thing that constantly runs through my mind is: How can you want to possibly stay when you berate me, my family, and everything in a state you say you hate and manage to guilt trip me for it?

He doesn't remember the promise I made long ago, and I shall not remind him.

The promise was that I was not going to be the one to leave him.

He'll be the one leaving, seeing as he hates it so much here and misses everything back in his old state. Mostly his job because it has better pay and he didn't have to live with parents..

My life choices are mine alone. If you wish to make fun of me for it, then I consider you a dimwit. You can not see both sides to something and understand it as if it were yourself in that position.

He's done a lot for me nevertheless, and I am grateful for it, though I obviously don't show it.

I guess in the end, you can say my heart's closing rather quickly on him.

Probably should have stopped it all when he said he was allergic to cats. I am very fond of cats. To hear one mew and not pet it breaks my heart.

Like I've stated before, if you do not wish to read the rantings of a petty youth, you may leave and pretend you never saw this blog.

The one he said would make a perfect match with me, I am quite fond of. ♥

And we do share a lot in common, not to mention he's quite fun!

☻

Farewell for now~